Overcoming Heartbreak
I remember the first time I fell in love, or thought I did at least. I was a freshman in college, and honey I had it bad. The truth is, I fell for someone that treated me more like an option than a priority. For years to come I’d give this “situation” a lot of time and energy, all of which I can never get back. If you’re waiting on me to divulg all the things he did or didn’t do, I will have to disappoint you. Why? Because when I made the decision to walk away from that “relationship,” I made the concious decision to focus on the role that I played, and not his. I was an insecure girl looking for validation in someone who could never give me that. What I needed was self love and well, there is no other human on this earth who could give that gift to me. I needed to find that for myself.
Looking back, I can still remember the day when something shifted inside of me. I truly believe this was a God thing because I had walked away many times before and eventually found myself getting cozy with the familiar again. I know without a doubt that on that day a soul tie was broken. I also know that I was tired. My heart was tired. Frankly, I had gotten on my own darn nerves! I came to the harsh reality that I had wasted my time long enough and if I didn’t do some soul searching, I’d live the rest of my life settling for what was convenient (by then) and that just wasn’t an option. So, I got to work. I spent a lot of time by myself. I started working on my relationship with God. I asked myself some really hard questions, and here is what I discovered:
Any relationship that is a distraction to building a relationship with God just isn’t worth it.
Falling in love is not a prerequisite for being with someone because the heart can be ever so foolish at times.
A relationship that honors God just looks and feels different than two folks crazy in love and without wisdom and maturity.
Being led by the Holy Spirit will sometimes mean walking away from the person we care for but the question is, will we walk away?
We play a role in every relationship and sometimes we encourage the very same behavior and habits that should make us run in the other direction.
What’s in a person’s heart will always reveal itself in their words and actions. In the same way someone who truly loves us will not treat is poorly, if we love ourselves enough, we won’t settle for being treated like an option.
Learning to forgive someone who has never and will never acknowledge how they hurt you is a tough pill to swallow but it’s necessary to move on and find complete peace.
I think I always knew deep down that the relationship would never go anywhere. For one I was a broken person and secondly, we were just never on the same page. The thing is, today I’m far from being perfect but this person understands who she is. I understand my value and know who I am in Christ. It’s been a journey but one that has forever shaped how I move through life and how I look at relationships. I’m not searching for something or someone to make me feel complete. I am complete…and I am the prize.
When I realized that I needed to forgive someone who would never acknowledge how they treated me, I fought it. When I found myself no longer holding on for an apology, I felt free. When I took responsibility for the role I played in things, I found growth.
If you are struggling with heartbreak, here’s my unsolicited advice to you:
Whatever it takes, heal. Do the work on yourself and take as much time as you need to give your soul, your heart, and your spirit the undivided attention it needs to find healing and wholeness again.
Take responsibility, if any, in the role you played. This is for you and it doesn’t dismiss your hurt.
Show yourself some grace and remember that we’ve all made some silly decisions behind a man a time or two in life. You’re not alone!
I think the key thing to remember when it comes to overcoming heartbreak is to make sure we heal before we move on to someone else. I don’t think “moving on” looks the same in every situation because we aren’t all the same person. We aren’t all built the same so essentially, overcoming heartbreak is personal and sometimes it takes longer for some than others. As for me, years have passed since that relationship came to an end and I’ve never looked back. Again, I know who I am and whose I am without question. Honestly, I have no time for distractions at this point in my life and my hope is that I’m wiser now than that 17 year old girl who fell in love for the very first time. I don’t know what the future holds but I know that my past was a lesson that no longer haunts me. My heart is healed and for that I am grateful.
K R Y S T L E
