Hope Lives Here

Since I’ve last written here so much has changed. On a personal front, I sold my house. This website has gone through another creative revamp (and the last for a good while.) Covid 19 is still here despite the fact that some have declared that we are “back to normal.” (rolls eyes) We all had a front row seat to another black man uttering the words “I can’t breathe” and now, maybe for the very first time, this country is taking a good and hard look in the mirror as it relates to racism. This is life right now….

As I’ve sat back and watched the news and tried to wrap my mind around it all, I’ve found myself mentally exhausted at times. There are days when my spirit has been completely depleted at the idea that people are struggling to survive right now. People are dying at the hand of a disease that doesn’t care about race, ethnicity, or economic status. I’ve had many sleepless nights thinking about my own experiences as a black woman in this country. It’s been difficult to hold on to my hope at times, and that’s exactly what I’m here to talk about…

We put our hope in the Lord.

He is our help and our shield.

In Him our hearts rejoice,

for we trust His Holy name.

May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord,

even as we put our hope in You.

Psalm 33: 20-22

From a logical perspective, it seems foolish to have hope in the midst of chaos. Whether it be a pandemic that has stripped us all in different ways or systemic racism rearing its ugly head over and over again, having hope is hard, but who are we (individually) without hope? Personally, I don’t like who I am when I’m in a place of hopelessness. I’m just not myself, and so with everything in me, I’ve vowed to fight daily for my hope that better days are ahead. Is it always easy? Absolutely not, but as I always say, it will always be worth it….

There have been many days when I’ve felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster. Gratefulness to see another day and for continued favor. Frustration with the state of this world as it relates to systemic racism. Joy when I shut off the distractions and just do things that make me happy. Fear when I think about how the world perceives my father and male relatives. Rage when I read hateful comments on the internet. But then there is hope when God gives me a reminder that He is still in control. Hope when I lean in to who God is. Hope when I think about the hearts that are changing day by day. Hope when God reminds me that He is constant, always.

Might I add that it’s okay to feel during these times. It’s also okay to unplug from social media to process our thoughts and feelings. It’s okay to intentionally do things that give us some joy and replenish our hope. It is okay for joy and hope and sadness and frustration to live in the same place. And just maybe with each day, the joy and the hope will overshadow those moments when we simply want to throw our hands in the air, to scream, or to just give up.

“We must accept finite disappointment,

but never lose infinite hope.”- MLK

K R Y S T L E